boys are confusing...

especially analytical ones!

Peace~

Gill and Skippy

I never posted here that I got a fish. His residency was located on my desk at the University of Phoenix. His name was Gill and I hearted that fish very much. He was grumpy but cute. Well, I had my co-worker feed him for me and apparently on Monday morning when he came in, Gill had passed away. The guys knew I would be sad so they quickly ran out to replace my little betta. When I finally made it to work on Monday, I was not in the best of spirits... I missed my weekend get away and did not want to be back in Arizona! So- my cube mate, Dave, informed me Gill had died and I now had a new fish. I didn't want a new fish that day. I wanted to be sad Gill had died and sad I was home away from 'him' and sad that I was missing Paula. I wanted to be mad at the students who were dropping classes, angry that work had been stressful, and frustrated with the homework I had left to do that night. Mostly I just wanted to go home.

Now, deep down it brought me joy to know those guys at work cared enough to go get me a new fish because they didn't want me to be sad. They cleaned out Gill's home so the new fish wouldn't get sick. It even took them quite awhile to find just the right fish for me. How sweet is that!?

By Tuesday, the fish did not have a name. And Wednesday, I didn't go to work. But Wednesday night with the help of Ryk, we came up with a name for the fish. His name is Skippy. As of Thursday morning, Skippy and I began to bond. I still miss Gill but I'll say this much... Skippy is definitely NOT as grumpy as Gill. Maybe Gill was just sick from the day I brought him.

In loving memory of Gill

1/24/09 - 1/21/09

Life

So it has been awhile since I posted and honestly, there is not much to discuss. It seems like my life is pretty much consumed with work and school. As much as I hate school, I love it too. You can say I have a love/hate relationship with my education. This program has brought me to a place were I have more confidence in myself and has really helped me grow in my professional life. Each day, I seem to have more of a sense of direction of where I want to go. Not that I know exactly but I am getting there.

June brought me to my 37th year too. Life is amazing. Of course there are ups and downs and I look back on situations I have overcome. I was having a conversation today with someone 10 years younger than me. She mentioned she had ended a long relationship and I realized she was just a year older than I was when I got divorced. Sometimes it amazes me to say I am divorced because I am to the point were it feels as if I was never married. That time in my life, I thought my life had ended. Everything I wanted was "taken" from me. Being married, a wife, having a family. Over the next several years, I struggled and it did not get easier for quiet awhile. But I can honestly say how much better off I am now.

July will be 10 years since my divorce.

June is 5 years since Paula passed away.

Had I not gone through my divorce, I would never have met Paula. I've always been thankful for my divorce because it led me to a friendship that most never experience in their life. I wonder what this year will bring me because there seems to be a trend in major events in my life. Maybe the experience is just coming to a point in my life were I start to take control of everything and put it all together...

We'll see...

If you are reading this, more than likely you are someone who has been there over the last 10 years of my life. I am thankful for your friendship, whether we talk every day or hardly at all.

Life is good...

Earthquake in Italy

Say a prayer for them.

Earthquake in Italy

Images from BCC News

Peace~

"Stewy"

So tonight, a friend said he was going to start calling me "stewy". When I asked why, he said it is because I keep things in and do not get them off my chest. He is right. So my first post for April's growing (UP) blog... I am realizing I do "stew" over things and I am going to make an effort to put a stop to that.



Question is.... HOW?



Any suggestions?



Most of the time that I "stew" about things is because:

1) I am analyzing if I am over reacting and being too emotional

2) I am too upset to discuss it and need to rationalize it though my thought process aka... think logically

3) I do not want to hurt the other person

4) I would be opening myself up and becoming vulnerable and of course I do not want to get hurt.



I think this is something over the years I have grown to know or understand about myself. I think it's ok to "stew" about things for awhile but I do need to get certain things out on the table. I haven't figured out how to do that yet... but when I do, I'll let you know! It's a growing process... right?

April- Growning up

So this month, I am suppose to write about "Growing (UP)".

Let's back up... I joined NaBloPoMo back in November. It is some blogging website that I do not have time to keep up with, let alone really know what it is about. Anyways, each month I get an email that tells me what I "should" blog about {remember when I blogged everyday in November?}. So this month {APRIL} they suggest to write about "growing (UP)"... and that is what I intend to do.

I have a lot to start talking about and will soon... beginning April 1.
{some ideas}
~how my divorce helped me grown
~going back to school
~Paula
~the girls over the last 4 years
~memories of when I was younger
~daily trials

Stay tuned because I intend to journel {aka: post} as much as I possibly can {in between school, of course}

If you want to join me on this months crusade of "growing (UP)" ... feel free!

Until then-
PEACE~

The princess and the king

Once upon there was a little girl, a princess, who grew up without a king. The king was around every once in awhile when she was growing up but not like the princess wished for. The princess grew up angry at the king because she felt like the king had left her. When the princess became a woman, she came to forgive the king and understood the things he did. The princess who was now a woman, grew to love the king very much. She enjoyed the times she did get to see the king. Her favorite memories were the times the king would stay up with her late at night and tell her stories, just the two of them. Then one day, things changed. The princess did not understand what had happened and she felt that the king had kept things from her. You see, the king had been sick for awhile and the princess was now afraid something bad might be happening. The king reassured her that everything was fine; however in her heart, she knew it was not true. The king and princess began to argue about everything it seemed. The princess was always defensive because she felt the king did not have faith in her choices. Every time she tried to explain this to the king, she felt he would not listen. This saddened the princess very much. She missed the friendship that the king and her had developed. The princess cried many nights because she loved this king more than anything. But this princess was hurt and so she began to build a wall of thorns around her so she would be protected. The princess no longer knew how to talk to the king and she wished she could find the words to explain how her heart felt. Mostly, she wanted the king to know that she loved him more than an entire kingdom. And back then, a kingdom was a world.

The End.

A day

So today, started out to be a bad day for me. I showed up at the gym to recover my swimming goggles from the lost and found box only to find out someone "picked them up" and it was NOT me. Then I came home to find out my instructor slammed my part of a team paper. We still got an A but... I was really ticked off about it. Next, was the eye opener that life is not THAT bad. I received an email from one of my students letting me know she did not post her homework last night because her mom had unexpectantly passed away. Her mom was 50, she is 20, and she found her. This all happened before 6:30 am.

As I drove to work, I put in my "God" music. A cd I made for Paula's funeral/worship night. Ok- note to self... do not listen to music that will make you cry while driving to work. I HATE death... it always brings back vivid memories of Paula and the last days with her.

Once I got to work, my day seemed to get better... until I found out Sync and Swim was currently not in business {if you shop there, call back after March 21 to see if they have store hours again}. I eventually found a place that I could go for goggles {yes, I try them on before I buy them}. I headed over after work, got the goggles, and was on the way out of the parking lot when......

Some old man accidently took his foot off the break and rear ended my NEW 4 RUNNER!!!! Yes, I said some major bad words! From the looks of it... my vehicle was fin. He hit the hitch of my vehicle. I still got his info and headed to my mechanics where they waited for me to show up even though they were done for the day. Well, they were finishing up. They looked my vehicle over and said it was fine! Thank goodness... I am fine as well. I think I have some stiffness in my back but nothing a chiropractor and good massage can't fix.

So tonight, even though this day goes in my book as a "bad" day.... I am thankful for many things:
My mom
My dad
My friendship with Paula
I have a job
Morgan and Faith
Friends
Family
My AWESOME Mechanics
My 4 runner that is still unharmed
Max and the annoying Howie

Definitely the list goes on but those are the main things I can think of today. I hope you all had a good day and a better tomorrow!

Peace~